If Jordan’s an Olympian, then I’m a topless model.
Posted by: sportscrunch on: September 6, 2008
I write this in a haze of mental devastation. Yesterday, I read a sinister and potential sanity-threatening article in the Telegraph Online, that might prove more problematic to my quest than black holes appearing at the LHC in Switzerland.
Former topless model turned media deity ‘Jordan’ AKA Katie Price AKA whatever you care to call her for the purposes of this discussion, has announced her desire to represent the UK in the 2012 Olympics.
Needless to say I feel like those Dutch lads who sailed straight past Australia a couple of days before Captain Cook found it.
What is so galling about this situation, it not that I now have direct competition for the honour of biggest nomark to get to the Olympics, but it’s the resources on hand to achieve said dream.
The third dimension…
Posted by: sportscrunch on: September 6, 2008
No one is reading this at the moment – more ool you. I have explained my task, now it’s a matter of getting around to business. I think Eminem said that.
Part of my problem is finding a sport which I can actually become competitive in, in a matter of just 3 or so years, to allow me to fulfill my olympic objective.
There are a small matter of 30 Olympic disciplines to choose from, although thanks to the insensitivity of Darwinian theory or God’s decision not to make me special (depending on your perspective) I am entirely incable of about 25 of them. And that’s me being overly confident.
In reality, I have a “chance” in perhaps 2 disciplines, so here is my somewhat tenous list of prospective events. Don’t laugh…
The difficult second post…
Posted by: sportscrunch on: September 4, 2008
The difficult second post
It’s so far, so good. Admittedly this is only a couple of hours on from my first posting, but I have survived a trip to the shops and 50 sit ups. Now that’s what I call progress (Maggie Thatcher should have used that tagline, it would have got her further in life I think).
You’re probably wondering where the inspiration to do all this came from, aren’t you? You’re not? Ok, fine. I shall tell those that are interested then.
Some time ago, I was very drunk. As I whiled away the hours in a haze of wispy cigarette smoke, staring down the barrel of an empty cocktail jug, my friend began to extol the virtues of Einstein being the greatest scientist that has ever existed (my counter-argument that he initially made up a bit of his theory of relativity to fit his mindset fell on inebriate ears).
The nervous first post
Posted by: sportscrunch on: September 3, 2008
I have just made a vain attempt to touch my toes. After an uncomfortable and probably ill-advised bout of spinal bouncing, I’m convinced I grazed a hair on my ankle whilst suffering the sort of shock to the nervous system that only prolonged exposure to the music of Black Lace can give you.
My expectation was to wake up, lean down and touch my toes with the grace, poise and balance of a 1970’s Romanian gymnast. In reality this morning’s exertions were more akin to a man trying to violently self-fellate, whilst rocking out to Metallica’s ‘Enter Sandman’. Elegant it was not.
Hmmm. This wasn’t quite the start I was hoping for in my (probably vain) attempt to represent Great Britain at the 2012 Olympics, here in London.
