No one is reading this at the moment – more ool you. I have explained my task, now it’s a matter of getting around to business. I think Eminem said that.

Part of my problem is finding a sport which I can actually become competitive in, in a matter of just 3 or so years, to allow me to fulfill my olympic objective.

There are a small matter of 30 Olympic disciplines to choose from, although thanks to the insensitivity of Darwinian theory or God’s decision not to make me special (depending on your perspective) I am entirely incable of about 25 of them. And that’s me being overly confident.

In reality, I have a “chance” in perhaps 2 disciplines, so here is my somewhat tenous list of prospective events. Don’t laugh…

Archery

Cycling

Shooting

Kayaking

Athletics

If you are an expert in any of the above fields, please do not garnish my comments section with “what the hell are you thinking, you’ll never ever be fit to string a bow, never mind fire an arrow” (I bet that’s the wrong terminology too), because I’m more than aware of my limitations.

I have simple conlcluded that these disciplines require either pure strength and stamina, or pure skill. It will undoubtedly transpire that I’m dreadful at all of these, but for the time being I ask you to bear with me.

So here’s the deal… I’m 6′1″, weigh 78kgs, am naturally fairly athletic. If you were me, and you were batshit crazy, which would you attempt. Quick answers welcome, after all, I haven’t got time on my side.